My Troll Diatribe....(originally posted on the PW site)
You see, I have been on this board for more than 2 years, starting when I was preggo with my son.
I have been in the ttc room since February when we decided to try for #2.
I was one of those people who came in here, only to announce my BFP a couple of weeks later....but that pregnancy ended in miscarriage in March.
Then I was on the miscarriage board...then back here, off and on...
And there are always twits...and rude people to contend with. And some people are completely ignored, and some people are ganged up on, and some people stand out and shine as a great help to everyone...it's the same all over.
I never used to get into fights, it's always very very polite...with the, "I'm sorry," and "everyone has a right to their opinion," and "just walk all over my feelings, I won't say anything,"
--But not anymore. If you come in here with your bullshit, you can just turn around and take it right back out the door...
...and it's great because for the first time ever since I've been on PW, there's actually some sincerity in people's reaction to each other...and when you're ttc for what seems like a long time...you REALLY NEED sincerity and support.
Because unless you are right in it, unless you have suffered from a miscarriage and have been unable to conceive again, you have no way of knowing how isolated and scared it can really make you feel. I think even if you went through it in the past, it isn't the same as being in it in the present...you get pregnant again...and you get a glorious pass to move on with your life.
That is why so many of us seek support from people outside of our lives, people who can help us through this difficult time, people on-line.
It isn't that you are shunned the moment you become pregnant, it is that your perspective has changed. You can no longer say, "I know how you feel," because you don't. Because to us, we may never have a healthy pregnancy again. That is where we are. And when we do get pregnant, we will move on too.
I do not hate pregnant women. Ridiculous. My lovely sil is pregnant with twins, I put my hand on her belly and feel them move, I love them, I help to think of names for them...
But I do not want to discuss the pain of ttc with her. It's that simple.
When I do (hopefully) get pregnant again, I will not come on here to offer people advice, unless for some reason it is specifically asked for. However, I will come here to say hello and check up on old friends. I will not come on here to tell members of this board that they aren't posting in the way I think they should. I will not come on here and say, "I know how you feel...etc."
So before you come on this board, or any board for that matter, with the sole intention of putting someone down, loading someone with blame, giving out unsolicited assvice (as Jamie would say), take a moment, and realize that there are women here who are going through a very difficult time. Women who know more about getting pregnant than most people will ever have to know. And then ask yourself, "is this really going to help, or am I just in desperate need of attention?" and then go find someone else to bother.
posted by ErinMary @ 2:43 PM
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