Start Playing Lotto--I'M PREGNANT!!
Holy Crap. How the hell did this happen? We had sex, ONCE this month. Not very good for a couple trying to conceive--not very good for any couple. (What can I say, we were tired.) How did we manage to GET PREGNANT?
Thomas and I took a nap on Wednesday morning, and while I was asleep I had the weirdest sex dream--I would love to give you the details, but I can't remember. When I was pregnant with Thomas, I had sex dreams all of the time, so immediately in my half-crazed, trying to conceive brain, I saw this as a possible symptom. Some of you ttc women out there will know that sometimes you will look for any excuse to pee on a stick. This was mine. So out we went to Walmart to buy a few things for Turkey day, along with a 2 pak of Answer hpt's. I took it home and peed on it, feeling really stupid, 'cause I knew there was no way I was pregnant. I stared at the test the whole time, waiting for it to be negative. But it wasn't. I'll be darned. A line popped up. And a line popped up on the Clear Blue Easy I ran out and bought. And a little sign that says "pregnant" popped up on the EPT digital that I ran out and bought later. And on the EPT and on the Answer I took the next day. And on the CVS brand test I took today....you get the idea.
I want to say I'm thrilled, and I am, but I'm a little more terrified than thrilled at this point. My husband has the baby name book out, and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a miscarriage. I have to take a pregnancy test every day, at least once, to make sure the bean is still in there. But even then, there are no guarantees. Maybe the bean isn't in there, but just the hormones--or maybe the bean is in there but my hormones are so screwed-up, the bean won't be in there for long...
We told EVERYONE yesterday, I mean, what the hell else are you going to do with a house full of family and a positive pregnancy test? Everyone was really cautious with their congratulations...and I can't decide if that makes me happy, or sad. I kept saying, "we'll see, I guess." Nice.
But really, I guess we will see. I don't really know how else to feel, I want to rub my bellly and say, "I love you baby," but I'm terrified that as soon as I do, the baby won't be there anymore. I mean, this is as close to a miracle as I'm going to get. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant this month, the odds were all against it. So why would the baby be taken away, even after beating the odds? I'm trying to stay positive, along with my pregnancy tests.
I am happy. I am tired. I wish that I could take all of my trying-to-conceive friends with me. I am going to go rub my belly all day long and say, "I love you, baby," because if I only get a few days with this one, I want to make sure I take the time to let it know that it is loved.
I'M PREGNANT!!!! YAY!!!!
posted by ErinMary @ 9:16 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
congrats, god bless you and the baby... happy holidays
This entry brought tears to my eyes - I'm sure the little "bean" knows you love it already. Even if it is only around for a little while, a little time for a little love is wonderful. I hope that it goes well for you.
(I came into your blog via blogexplosion)
HEY! I was right on! Remember those cramps! I said implantation cramping! hee hee! I'm good! :)
CONGRATULATIONS to you!
As one who has been exactly in your shoes, I know the apprehension, but soak up the positive feelings. Like you said, I felt if I WERE going to lose the baby I'd like to know I was happy every second of the pregnancy! Its OK to be scared though! Who wouldn't be after a loss?
I'm SO happy for you!!!
Hug that belly! There's a miracle inside!
Erin,
I am so happy for you. I love to see those BFP on the board. You will be in my thoughts everyday. You know you always hear it only takes once. I guess it is true :-) Congrats again!! I'm sending you postive thoughts and buckets of sticky baby glue. Keep us posted.
Jenna
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