A Beautiful Day For A Neighbor
My neighbor is a nice older woman who also happened to sell us this house. We have talked occasionally across the backyard fence, and a few days ago we chatted for the first time in months. I explained about how sick and housebound I was for most of the winter.
She said my son runs like her autistic grandchild.
Huh?
I mentioned to her that his father and I were pretty concerned about his slow speech development and she went on to quiz me about some other possible symptoms.
Of course, she also thought my almost 2 year old was a 3 year old. A common mistake made with my tall boy.
So then I didn't sleep all night long, woke up crying at about 3 AM, wondering if there is something wrong with my baby. Because believe me, autism has crossed my mind a few times, and then I just cross it right back out. He seems so completely normal to me. There really is nothing that jumps out at you as definite autistic behavior. And he doesn't run strange, he runs like a baby. His arms sometimes flap around at his side while he's showing me how fast he can run up and down the yard. He has always been way ahead as far as his motor skills go, and he is also ahead intellectually. We had this long talk about autism with his pediatrician, and the doctor didn't think it needed any further investigation at this time. That should be good enough for me, right?
Why do I feel so pressured to have my son talking right now? Why do other parents want me to throw him into early intervention before he can even turn 2, when he shows no other signs of autism, except for the speech delay?
The neighbor's daughter (mother of said autistic child) popped in to today to talk to me about early intervention. Talking with her made me even more convinced that my son does not have the same problems that her child does. Her daughter couldn't swallow properly, she never smiled or laughed, and she had very little sense of physical pain. She also did not know how to pretend play with her toys. Thomas doesn't have any of those problems. He is a bright child who sometimes gets very frustrated with not being able to communicate.
I just feel so tired of thinking about it. I want to focus on something else. The thought of shipping my baby off to early intervention preschool to be forced into learning institutionally acceptable behavior at this tender young age is enough to make my head explode. He doesn't need to fall in line, he hasn't even had his second birthday yet. Give him a chance, damnit.
"As soon as your born, they make you feel small, by giving you no time instead of it all..." John Lennon
I'm not judging what this woman has decided as the best course of action for her child. I could tell right away she is a gentle and loving mom. But she isn't me and her child is not Thomas. We are not all the same. Not every child develops at the same exact rate. I will try the speech therapy, as long as Thomas doesn't find it frustrating, and as long as it is not damaging to his self-esteem. And I will be watching to make sure that doesn't happen. If he is not ready, he is not ready, and no amount of therapy is going to force him into being ready.
Since he was 18 months old family and well-meaning people have been pressuring him to talk, and have been pressuring me about a possible problem. I just want to love my child and let him know that I think he is the very best little boy in the whole world, no matter what challenges he may face. That's what every baby needs from his mother.
Well, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
My neighbor also told me that the woman who lives across the street told her that my husband had left me in the middle of winter. Funny, I've never spoken to this woman in my life, and probably wouldn't know her if I ran her over with my mini-van, but she seems to have more information about me than even, well, me. Gotta love it. That's what I get for being a hermit in my world. Maybe instead of waving to the crazy neighbors, I'll just start flipping them the bird as I drive by. Give 'em something to talk about.
I also want to thank everyone who left great book suggestions. I took many of them, and he's getting even more from his Aunt for his birthday. It was really helpful and I'm glad I asked.
posted by ErinMary @ 9:56 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
It is very true that children learn at different paces. In my own experiences with children, boys sometimes even take more time beginning to talk. I think the speech therapy is a great idea and you are approaching it in a great way, making sure not to frustrate your son. My husband didn't talk until first grade and he has 2 Masters degrees. (He also went to speech from first grade until high school.) :-) So, just because he is not talking now does not mean he won't be very, very soon. :-)
:-) How's the weather in New York? My husband is from a small town outside Niagara Falls and I doing everything I can to get us back there. Permanently.
i read what you wrote about your dear dear son with such familiarity.
i said the same thing about my guy (a late late talker, not til after two himself). i worried and anguished about his self-esteem (now i see, it was mine i worried about, not his). in the end i did pursue speech and you know what - it's been mostly fun for him, and it's helped. our speech therapist is not one to push him into a special needs preschool and all he needed is the help to speak. he knows the words but can't get them out - some combination of oral/motor skills and apraxia.
i urge you, not to be an ass here, but don't be so afraid of the speech therapy. your boy, like mine, is on the edges (by a bit) of normal. getting the help he needs without labeling him isn't a bad thing. and as i've discovered - it will be so nice to have a conversation.
good luck.
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