Happy Birthday to Me
Yesterday was my birthday, so I’m officially done with my 20’s and on to bigger and better things. Like my 30’s. So I’m 30, big deal.
I have actually been looking forward to turning 30 since I was about 25 years old. My 20’s were sucking so hard I just figured anything had to be better than that. I also decided around the same time that if I wasn’t married by the time I was 30, I was going to throw myself a big wedding-type party anyway, so I could get all of the good gifts. After all, it isn’t just married people who need nice linens and silverware and new towels and appliances.
I looked forward to turning 30 because I thought maybe then I can start being more comfortable in my own skin and stop looking over my shoulder to see what everyone else was doing. But damnit, I’m still looking over my shoulder to see what everyone else thinks about what I’M DOING. When does it end? When will I reach some kind of state of self-made, self-sustained, internal enlightenment? I guess it takes a little longer than 30 years. I guess I’ll give myself until 35.
My family threw me a nice birthday dinner at my sister’s house, sans my husband. He was sleeping off his horrendous work week that ended with one long 30 hours stretch of hell. I missed him, but he was up and about for Sunday and Monday with his family.
I got presents of maternity clothes, just like last year. Of course last year I miscarried two days after my birthday and ended up feeling really bitter about all of the maternity clothes that I received but couldn’t use. It was kind of like my family’s only acknowledgement that I was pregnant. Three days later it was like it had never happened, for them at least.
I found a picture of me from my birthday last year, and it took me a minute to figure out why I was looking so bleak. I think it was the combination of my husband’s grandmother’s response to finding out that I was pregnant again, (“But I thought you were going back to work.”) and increasingly feeling that something was not right with my new pregnancy.
Why the hell can’t people just say “congratulations” when you tell them that you are pregnant? Save the commentary, really. Especially when I’ve never EVER talked to you about my work situation, because it’s none of your damn business, but obviously SOMEONE (see evil MIL) has been talking to you about the fact that THEY think I need to go back to work...but then this is the SAME MIL who suggested that maybe I was never PREGNANT in the first place and that the BRIGHT SIDE to all of this is that now I could GO BACK TO SCHOOL....but I digress.
About that enlightenment...I’m feeling better than I was on Friday. I took a nap every day this weekend, and it was nice to have my husband here to look after Thomas. I think I’m just very, very tired, and by Friday, I’m just an exhausted wreck. It just cannot be helped that pregnancy is not an easy thing for me. Maybe it isn’t for anyone. I want to thank everyone who left supportive comments, it was great to come on today and see them there.
Well, since I’m 30 now, I better get my rear in gear and get organized. I have a 2 year-old’s birthday to plan, and some bills to pay, all kinds of grown-up things to do. See you later.
posted by ErinMary @ 10:11 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I Missed it!! I wish I'd known. I'm going to announce mine on my blog a week ahead of time.
Happy Birthday!! I woulda sent you a card and a trinket but I didn't know..... I still could.......
Erin..Happy Birthday.....
I hope this year is a magical year in which you acheive your dreams and wishes. GRRR Mother-In-Law's
They think they so much more!
Just take it with a grain of salt if you can...Hope your having a good night..Take care
Hugs from Lesley
Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Wanna share my cupcakes? (In the midst of not being pregnant, every month I have been treating myself to something as my 'sanity prize'. Last month was brownies, this month . . . . St. Patrick's Day greeeeen cupcakes. Yummy!)
(((((hugs))))))
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