One Reason I Blog.
I am not a people person. I think this is why the internet is so appealing to me. I can reach out and have contact without the strain of actually inviting anyone into my life and home. It isn’t that I don’t like people, it’s really because I have a hard time trusting anyone.
I’m one of those people who starts a new job, and it takes me months to tell anyone anything about myself. I don’t like putting pictures on my desk, it makes me feel too vulnerable. I guess this is because I have found that most people aren’t really interested in knowing anything about you, but they like to compare you to themselves. They like to find out if you are going to be useful to them in the future.
I don’t have a lot of faith in most people. I don’t trust people to be good, or to have my best interests at heart, whether it be my doctor, or someone to look after my son for a few hours.
I guess you could say I’m a loner, or that I only have a few people on this earth that I truly trust. I like being by myself, as long as I’ve got something to do, and over the years I have learned how to always have something to do.
I sometimes think it’s a miracle that I actually let myself fall in love with my husband. It’s like this window of opportunity opened up in my life and he kind of fell right through it. I think I knew I was going to marry him right from the beginning. I just knew, here is my life. I guess it’s a cliche, but I can actually remember the exact moment when we met, like it’s a photograph in my brain. I don’t remember feeling anything but nervous because I was starting a new job, but I don’t have that with anyone else. I don’t remember the exact moment that I met anyone, except him. He is just right for me in so many ways.
So, we’ve got each other. And our little family that we’re building. I have always envied people who can make friends easily, who have no problem opening their lives to people they have only just met. I’ve always thought that there must be something wrong with me, since I have such a hard time doing that. But I’m trying to be a little easier on myself. After all, there are all kinds of people in this world, and I’m just not ever going to be very gregarious. It just isn’t me. I didn’t learn that growing up and I don’t think it’s in my genes. The few friends that I have made and allowed into my life over the years are very precious to me as a result.
But I can’t help but hope that my children are a little more trusting than I am. Just a little...
posted by ErinMary @ 2:18 PM
1 comments
1 Comments:
It's hard to trust anyone but sometimes you have to put yourself out there. I know what you mean though... Hope you have a great day and are feeling good too.
Post a Comment
<< Home